The time has come and Christmas is coming closer! And I’ve still not found back to my old happy Christmas self. You have to admit, it’s quite strenuous … So, for all those who are terribly afraid of the upcoming holidays, I’ve got a few tips for you:
- Avoid the mall! If you don’t like to shop that shouldn’t be a problem at all! In any other case … ignore Number 1! As a shopping junkie it’s impossible to avoid the mall! You’ll just have to live with annoying Santas, overpowering Christmas decoration and bad Christmas songs!
- Sedation is the key! Nothing better than a couple of Xanax or Valium to relax! Trust me, you sooo won’t care whether it’s Christmas or not! Everything is just one happy place!
- Drown yourself in eggnog or mulled wine! Start in the morning and never stop until you go to bed at night! Is there any better way to get drunk? (And probably sick!) Besides, it’s keeping you warm in those cold winter days! (Especially if you are lucky enough to live in California, Florida, …)
- Order in! Who’s the cook? Who? Who is? Not you! Forget the stressful cooking of Christmas dinner! (You never get it right anyway! You A) either forget something important like getting the turkey or B) are the worst cook in the universe and your family makes a face at the mere thought of eating what you’ve produced in looong hours!) Just order in and everyone will be happy and relaxed! Mostly you!
- Use paper plates! They come in all different kinds of styles, look nice, are cheap AND you can just throw them away! No annoying loading the dishwasher and then putting everything away again. After all you don’t have time for such time-consuming housework. You need to keep watching “Walking dead” to get into real Xmas spirit.
- Eat chocolate! This is strictly for women! Men don’t care about chocolate! They should stick with alcohol in whichever form available! But you, girls, get a huge supply of every kind of chocolate you can think of. BEFORE the holiday season starts! Preferably in September or October at the latest!
- Believe in Santa! Deep in our hearts we do believe in Santa! Who else would be stupid enough to live on the North pole and distribute millions of gifts in just one night? In a sleigh, no less with eight reindeers of whom one has a red nose! What’s not to believe in that?
- Call in sick! Now, that option has several advantages! First, you can buy all your Christmas gifts peacefully. Online. From the comfortable position on your sofa. Second, you can hide the worst time out! Third, you can skip Christmas parties and those embarrassing situations you usually get into when you drink a little too much alcohol!
- Self-gift! I think I don’t have to tell you! Or have you ever left a shop without buying something for yourself as well? Admit it, even at hardware stores or electronics stores you will find something that attracts you girls. Men have a little more self-control!
Darn! My self-proclaimed limit of approximately 500 words per posting is up! So, I guess I will continue to bore you with my Christmas survival tips next week!