New Year Resolutions you will never keep

It’s the last day of 2017. Thanks God this year is over and a new one is about to begin! Everything will be better, right? Are you prepared for some heavy partying tonight to welcome 2018? How are your resolutions for this year coming along? Like …

• I will stop smoking! I’ll just finish the dozen packs I have at home and that’s it! No more cigarettes! I’ll save sooo much money, gee I will be able to go on vacation for all the money I save! And neither my apartment nor myself will reek of cold smoke! My husband/boyfriend/kids/co-workers won’t complain anymore! Besides, I won’t have to stand outside anymore, sweating like a pig or freezing my butt off during coffee breaks. Even though I will miss the chats with other smokers. Quite interesting all the inside information one can get … nooo, you can’t do it! You can’t miss out on all the best gossip, that’s just cruel!
• I will lose weight! This year is the year! The year I will slim down and not only lose the Xmas food pounds but also those I’ve been carrying around for years! I’ll only eat healthy food anymore! No carbs, no ice cream, no chocolate, no alcohol … How long will you make it? Two days? Two weeks? A month? If you’re managing one month … congratulations! You’ve lost your Xmas weight! But speaking from yearlong new year losing weight resolution experience I can tell you it won’t work! You’ll find excuses for everything or push Day Zero – as the start of your diet – farther and farther away!
• I will do more sports! At least twice a week! I’ll become so fit I’ll be able to jog from one shop to another and therefore get much more shopping done in half the time. Which is why I’ve already paid the exorbitantly high fees for a posh fitness club! The more motivation the better, right? Wrong! Not even the prospect of spending more money will get you to the gym. Month for month you’ll kick yourself for paying useless fees because you can’t get out of your lifelong contract … Just face it! If you’ve never been a sports freak, you’ll never be. But hey, sex is sports too, isn’t it? That just HAS to count!
• I will stop sticking my kid in front of the TV! I really will! Even though it’s so wonderfully convenient! I won’t mind playing with him/her all day, answering his/her annoying questions, popping Xanax pills to keep calm … Oh hell! TV is entertaining and educating and the best babysitter – all for nothing. After all even parents need some time for themselves! To do completely useless things like … watching TV.

Sounds familiar? How many times have you been enthusiastically announcing your resolutions for the New Year? Just to realize a few days later you’re on the best way of failing? Don’t worry! You’re not alone! I’ve done it, you’ve done it and we all will do it again! Which is why I don’t have any resolutions for this year! Apart from … Wishing you all the best for 2018! And thanks! To all those who are there for me! XOXO

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