It’s the end …

… of the month and once again I’m totally broke. My bank account is wiped clean as if someone had threatened to punch me if I didn’t give him all my money. But, of course the only perpetrator is ME! ME alone! I’m the one who constantly runs from one ATM to the next to get the next 50 bucks because I’ve seen something I just have to have. (Alright, you caught me! Mostly I pay with my debit or credit card anyway! But the imagination of myself running around looking for ATMs is so much funnier, isn’t it?)

Living in a town with a decent shopping center is evil. It’s evil because there are so many temptations. Especially for a woman. Especially for a woman like me who loves shopping! And it’s even worse to have really large towns in the near vicinity of a one hour’s drive.

I leave the house to get toothpaste and come home with three bags full of drugstore stuff. (Because I always find things I need to stock up on: dishwasher cleaner, wet wipes, Q tips, nail polish remover, …)

Or just take last week! I needed a birthday present for a very dear friend and since I didn’t know what to get yet I decided to make an appearance at the nearest shopping center. I guess you are thinking now, “M, M, you should have known better! We know you are a shopping addict! That just can’t go well!”

And you are right! I should have listened to my inner voices as well which were arguing non-stop, going like that:

Angel-Me: Remember, you are just looking for a birthday present!

Devil-Me: Remember, you are not only looking for a birthday present! There are those cute red high heels you saw a couple of weeks ago!

Angel-Me: You don’t need red shoes! You have at least three pairs in your closet!

Devil-Me: One can never have enough shoes!

Angel-Me: When are you going to wear those close to 100 pairs, huh?

Devil-Me: One can never have enough shoes!

Angel-Me: Can you hear me sighing?

Devil-Me (in a sing-song voice): I can’t hear anything! Nanananana!

Angel-Me: Let me remind you, you only have €100 left!

Devil-Me: You have €100 left! What’s keeping you?

Angel-Me: You still need to buy groceries!

Devil-Me: Pah, who needs food anyway? You love pasta! Pasta is cheap!

Angel-Me: Don’t listen to the Devil, M!

Devil-Me: Don’t listen to the Angel, M!

Angel-Me: Oh, shut up!

Devil-Me: I’m not shutting up! I win! I always win!

Angel-Me: Nah, you don’t! But I’ll have you have your way for once!

So, there you have it! The devil in me won and I not only got the birthday present but als the red high heels! And my bank account? Wiped clean! But at least I’ve got my new shoes which go perfectly with my dark blue Armani pencil skirt and white blouse!

(No, don’t worry, I didn’t have to live just on pasta for a week! I had rice and potatoes too! And at the office? I treated myself to rolled oats with frozen blueberries, honey and water!)

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Jag är Svenska …

… and together with Malm, Hemnes, Kallax, Bodbyn, Nordli, Pax, Ektorp, Kivik, Strandmon, Liatorp, Gurli and … oh, yeah, right … Billy … those are the only Swedish words I know. Guess, the mystery is out now and you already know what this posting will be all about! Yep! My one and only favourite furniture store of all times! Do I really have to say it? IKEA! Ikea, Ikea, Ikea! And lucky me the next store is only half an hour drive away. And as you can imagine I’m a regular visitor there … uhm, “visitor” is probably not exactly the correct word. Well paying customer cuts more to the chase. The only time I didn’t buy anything there was two days before I ordered my Ikea kitchen and just went there to check out the cabinets and pick the appliances for my planning. (I can’t believe it either that I managed to walk out of there without any tea lights or at least an orchid …)

Someone once told me I’m an Ikea junkie and I wholeheartedly agree. Sadly, I have to. What else would you call someone who knows which piece to find where, not even bothering to look left or right because I’ve already seen it a dozen times and am just there to hurry through to get what I’m there for … you know what I’m talking about, don’t you? Come on, admit it, you are just like me.

When I started to write this piece I got curious and did some research in my own apartment. And couldn’t believe it … I actually have 81 pieces of Ikea furniture (with merely 7 large non-Ikea pieces) including lamps. Not included the various storage boxes, pillows, bed linens, flower pots, kitchen towels, towels, curtains, candles, candle holders, plants and watering cans (all in every available colour to fit into the various rooms, like my lavender watering can in the walk-in closet, dark green in my bedroom, yellow in my study … and even more colours just in case I want to redecorate the one or other room like red, turquoise, orange … yep, the crazy me is showing again!)

So, what’s so special about Ikea? I mean, it’s not as if you can’t get tea lights anywhere else. Or other affordable furniture at various furniture store chains.

Why do we like this Swedish chain so much? I mean, if you consider it, it’s kind of embarrassing to identify every single piece of Ikea furniture in other apartments or even on TV shows. Proving that your stuff is nothing special because thousands, millions are buying exactly the same you do! Is it the classic and simple style? Affordable for basically everyone? Available to take away immediately? Easy to assemble? Probably all of those things and more!

Such a shame I’m basically fully furnished … guess I’ll have to keep redecorating then to make up for not getting new furniture. Maybe it will be red next for the bedroom and orange for the dining room?

 

A dog’s life

Some time back I posted an article about the latest toddler fashion. You remember? Wigs! Now guess what the hottest fashion accessories for our best friends are? Right! Wigs! Wigs for dogs! You want your poodle to look like Paris Hilton? No problem! Just get a blond wig and stuff “Poopsie” either into a gold glitter outfit or fashionable orange jumpsuit! And there you go! Your very own Paris Hilton!

You want your Chihuahua look like former President Bush? No problem either! The right wig, cowboy footsies and a little cowboy hat and voilà. Bush on vacation! Current President Trump? Well, get creative! It’s not that hard! Just make sure you get the right signature wig and there you go!

As you can imagine I was a little stunned reading about dog wigs! Toddler wigs in Donald Trump and Bob Marley fashion were bad enough! But dog wigs? Who had the – I have to admit brilliant – idea inventing dog wigs? Where exactly is this going? Should I look out for wigged cats, rats, parrots and guinea pigs now? Let’s just consider zoo animals with wigs for a  moment … a sure way to increase the income … are you laughing as loud as I am? Picturing cute monkeys with pink wigs, lions in Elvis style (never goes out of style), elephants in president fashion … ohhh, what a terrific idea!

As you all know, together with Paris, Milan and London, New York is THE fashion hot spot. And just this February another fashion show is going to wow people! You know what’s coming now, right? Because THE fashion show of the year is the New York Pet Fashion Show. Big surprise? Not really, isn’t it? After all the babies have to be dressed accordingly when attending a dog birthday bash! Which might have a Sherlock Holmes theme, or Casanova, the roaring 20s, funky 70s Hippies, Madonna flashy 80s … but that’s for the special occasions!

On every day basis those little darlings need to be dressed in common day dresses, raincoats, suits … just for going out to pee and poop. I wonder if the wigs are in the way while … no, not going there! After all, you’re probably right in the middle of Sunday breakfast!

What else I’m wondering about!? Is it just me or is there going something terribly wrong? But I have to give credit to those who make money out of it! Lots of money! Lots and lots of money! As long as there are rich, lonely women out there, there will be … dog wigs!

www_internetjunkie_com

I confess! I should join the IJA – Internet Junkie Anonymous. I’m totally addicted to the World Wide Web. One day I’m not online and I’m a complete mess. Wondering what I might have missed, who has sent me an email, which ebay auction has ended without me, which new items have been added to my favourite fashion pages, what’s going on in Austria, England and the States …

Occasionally I treat myself to a whole internet Sunday, getting comfortable in my library chair with my Macbook, surround myself with all the essentials (food, beverages, smartphone, charger) and start surfing the net. Only to get up to stock up on more essentials or … you know what.

You wonder what makes me sit there for hours? Am I playing one of those online games? Wish I had time for that! But I don’t. I’m way too busy looking up homepages I found in various magazines. From fashion to interior decoration to anything that might interest me. And, as you probably know yourself, once you’ve started looking up something, you click your way through more and more sites. It never ends and three hours later you’ve still got a dozen addresses you haven’t looked up yet.

Apart from new sites there is an immense number of pages I already know and have to visit from time to time to get the latest gossip, fashion scoop from various fashion shows around the world, items to buy and Austrian news. After all I do want to know what the weather is like or which farmer accidentally fell from his tractor. (Yeah, you’re right, there’s a little more going on than farmers, car accidents and weather conditions! We do have a more or less working government I’m too bored to even think about! The most exciting thing that happened was the last election disaster for the new Austrian Federal President and the brand-new government with the youngest Chancellor ever!)

Back to the really important stuff! The WWW is a treasure trove. You can’t get your favourite cookies at your neighbourly grocery store? No problem, just order them! You’ve finally found the Star Trek prop you’ve been looking for all your life in a London based movie prop store? No big deal, you are one click away from fulfilling your dream. Your kid announces his report on a tiny Caribbean volcano no one has ever heard of is due tomorrow? Thanks God for the internet! The information is near to endless and you manage this nearly impossible task.

In my case, I’m particularly hooked on … well, everything. Or let me rephrase it, anything that has to do with shopping and … and … and … but that’s nothing new, is it? What did you expect? XXX, M