Killer on the loose I

I hate bugs! I can’t tell you how much I hate everything that crawls and stalks and slimes its way around the house. If I see a spider hanging from the corner of the living room ceiling I start screaming – hysterically. Until someone comes and puts it away. (Wishful thinking!) With no white knight coming to my rescue I’ve developed a few very ingenious and effective ways to murder even the tiniest mosquito. Since I’m surely not the only hysterical woman who starts screaming from the top of her lungs whenever she sees a spider AND has to deal with it ALONE, I thought I’d give you the one or other tip how to get rid of all kinds of bugs for good.

  • Your Louboutin shoe box: simple, but very effective! Louboutin shoe boxes are made of strong cardboard, therefore the danger of destroying the box by using too much force is minimal. Instructions: Wait, until your wasp-spider-bug is sitting somewhere completely still, take the box and smash it right onto your fiend. Voilà, you’ve got a smashed, dead bug. The downside? It’s sticking either to the window glass, the wall or your shoe box. In either cases some cleaning is required – or new paint! It’s also a good way to explain your brand new Louboutins to your husband! I won’t take any responsibilities for Prada boxes, though!
  • Your Louboutin shoes: But only those with the really, really high and spiky heels! As could already be seen on the TV series “CSI”, high heels are marvellous murder weapons. Even cockroaches won’t survive being pinned to the floor by a 10 inch heel. I would not recommend velvet covered heels, though. Cockroach intestines don’t clean off too well. (And I’m talking from experience!) On the other hand … you’ve got another excuse to buy a new pair! And one can never have too many! In case you don’t want to use your Louboutins after all … any designer brand will have to do!
  • Chanel No 5! Bugs don’t like Chanel No 5! Why? I don’t know! Maybe it’s too expensive for their taste! Just spray them and they will stop doing whatever they were doing, stunned, deliriously waiting for you to kill them off! You wonder whether other perfumes will do the trick too? Well, I wouldn’t count on it!
  • There’s nothing better than liquid nitrogen! A quick N2 shower and your least favourite bug is freeze dried! The advantage? By smashing it you won’t leave any unwelcome gooey and bloody stains. Just take a broom and off they go! Out the door, becoming mulch again! BUT! Don’t forget to smash them to pieces! Otherwise they might thaw and become alive again! Haunting you to take revenge!

Ohhh no! Running out of space! I’m not done by a long shot! The bug killer will be back next Saturday! And until then: happy hunting!


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