Last night I had a dream! A bad dream! A very bad dream! I was back in Austria, back in the old days, my old life. It was Saturday and I had to get up early to go to work. As in tutoring children! For four hours without a break. Endless minutes that seemed to creep by. And me doing nothing else than explaining, explaining, explaining. The same grammar over and over again. Passive – Reported Speech – Passive – Reported Speech – Tenses – Tenses – Tenses. Neverending!
I wanted to scream, pull at my hair and then jump out of the window. (No, I’m not the suicidal type, don’t worry, but dreaming about those days certainly made me consider this option in my dream!)
Do you have any idea how boring and frustrating it is to always do the same stuff? Not once a year! Or twice! But at least dozens of times. Over and over again. Writing down signal words and use, giving out exercises, sitting next to the pupil, listening to the same mistakes hundreds of other kids had made before him/her. And me again reminding him/her of what I had just explained minutes before.
And there I was, stuck in my nightmare, in an endless loop of faces, constantly asking questions and getting the wrong answers, even though we had discussed exactly that shortly before. And worst of all? I always had to be friendly and patient, no matter how pissed off I was.
Yeah, I know, there are plenty of people who work on weekends. And believe me, I admire them for it! But nothing, absolutely nothing, can be as unfulfilling as tutoring kids. My time teaching was not all bad, of course! It was very gratifying to get the feedback that you were a good tutor, with your pupils being successful in their exams. And being a close-knit “family” with my fellow tutor colleagues. But doing it for more than 10 years, I was close to a full-blown burnout and dreaming of it … makes me wake up sweating, shivering and with a racing heart. Being incredibly relieved and happy that I have left my old life behind. And once again I realize how lucky I am in my “new life”. Being healthy, having a job I like, which is far from boring, working together with a great bunch of guys, living in a nice spacious apartment (with walk-in, every girl’s dream) and being able to travel and afford the one or other pair of shoes. Because … you never know how long you have and I intend to live life to its fullest.
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