Just incredibly exhausted! In body and mind! Getting up, I’m tired, during the day I’m yawning dozens of times and in the evening, I can’t wait to have my hot bath and stretch out in bed. Cuddling up by 8pm the latest.
The past 1,5 months are taking its toll. Spending the evenings packing up my large household, painting walls on the weekends, moving boxes in between, stuffing my poor car up to the rim every other day. My hands are in a terrible state, I’m bruised and every little bone in my body seems to hurt. Just one more week until the big move and I’m already close to running empty. Waking up in the middle of the night, unable to fall asleep again because of all the thoughts and to-dos and what ifs and worries crowding my mind. Getting through the working day somehow, trying to motivate myself to get going at home with all the little things still needed to be done. Like preparing the last room (the kitchen) to be painted. And all those other bits and pieces.
What makes matters worse is that I will barely be able to see my two best friends here in Germany anymore. One of them I will probably only see on our rare concert trips. The other one is moving away to start a new job. A 6-hour drive away. Just like my other friends I had to leave behind in Austria. He was the one I went to when I felt the walls closing in on me and I needed to get away to enjoy a relaxing evening with dinner, chatting and lots of laughter. My retreat. I feel as if I don’t have anywhere to go anymore. Nowhere and no one to flee to … and I’m sure there will be times I will need to get away. To do something for myself and myself only. And there doesn’t seem to be anything or anyone left. I already miss them … and with everything else that’s keeping me awake at night I can hardly deal with it … and the loss …
ABOUT EVERYTHING AND NOTHING 