HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

Well, here I am! It’s my birthday and for weeks I have been dreading this day! Thinking of how I would like to spend it. Since I knew I would be alone and a normal birthday would not happen for me. Would I want to make a trip somewhere? To drown my pain in some shopping? Going abroad is out of the question for now, even a trip to the North Sea doesn’t appeal to me, now with every German storming these destinations even with the Corona restrictions. Never mind those, the beaches will be stuffed and “keep your distance” a thing of the impossible. Which is also why a shopping trip doesn’t quite hold the same as it would usually do. And, let’s face it, I’m happiest when I can do some shopping in London (or England) anyway.

So, here I am, at my usual café, with Chai Tea Latte and my darling MacBook. Doing what I’m usually doing on a Saturday morning – at least for the past three weeks – writing. It’s 9:30 in the morning and although I had planned to really relax and enjoy my café visit, I merely have half an hour before I have to leave again for an appointment at the veterinarian. Half an hour to finish my article.

I was scared of today. How I would feel! And frankly, I don’t quite know how I feel. Better than anticipated, I guess. Even though there are moments … but I’m ok. I will be ok. One of the most important people in my life was the first one to congratulate me at 00:02 … and that was a lovely start in my birthday.

I started the day with breakfast in bed, opened my birthday gift I treated myself to and took care of the cat. Lazing around a bit, chatting with other friends and well-wishers. My other plans for today? Well, in a few minutes I need to leave to get my darling tom-cat an injection again at the vet. Then having my favourite Austrian dish: Cordon bleu with French fries and cranberries for lunch, picked up at the Slovenian restaurant around the corner – let me tell you, THEY can make a Cordon bleu at least as well as an Austrian –, enjoying the afternoon on the balcony with one of my books. So … basically a normal weekend. Which I intend to enjoy. And my special day as well. So, happy birthday to me! Wishing myself a healthy, happy and good year to come!

Hugs and kisses, MJ

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WRITING AGAIN

It feels good! It feels so good! You have no idea how good it makes me feel!

For the first time in ages I’m sitting in a coffee shop, having Chai Tea Latte, enjoying the chatter around me, the fresh air, the … everything, simply everything. I have been looking forward to this day for weeks. When it would be warm and sunny and I would head up the street to my favourite writing haunt. I even dressed up for the occasion, compared to my leggings and sweater style of my home office days and quick grocery shopping trips: white pants, grass green fluttery Julien Macdonald top, dark green Tommy Hilfigger wedges and my white Henri Bendel tote.

As with every single person in every single country, the whole Covid-19 disaster has put a crinkle into my new life. On the one hand, it’s nice working from home, being able to be there for my new cat, on the other hand, my meagre social life has come to a total standstill. I can’t even enjoy the luxury of living in the middle of town, with the movie theatre five minutes away, the shopping centre three and a drugstore directly underneath my apartment. But life has been picking up slowly again, even though it’s more than annoying to constantly wear those stupid, awful masks whenever entering a store or restaurant. Which totally takes the fun out of my favourite pastime: shopping. As in … I don’t. Can you imagine? Me not going shopping? Well, barely. Just groceries, cat supplies, hardware stuff and IKEA (as soon as it opened, since I was already running out of my Austrian Felix ketchup replacement and tea lights and …). After my expensive adventure of moving and buying new furniture in the course of one year, I had intended to use the more-or-less Corona lockdown to refilling my savings accounts. Big chance! Online shopping is so comfortable … and after all I still needed lots of stuff for the cat, my balcony, books, gym equipment, etc. etc. It’s awful, I’m awful … but fun nevertheless.

Looking back to the past 3 months I was really lucky. Having a 100sqm apartment all to myself, with a balcony, a cat to keep me company, Netflix, my work and lots of books to catch up with. No kids to annoy me, no relationship tensions, just me being able to do whatever I want to. So, that’s it! I’m back and in writing mood again. I can’t promise to post an article every single week, but I’ll give my best … until then: keep safe and healthy! Yours, MJ

I’M BACK

I know, it’s been quite some time since my last post. More than one year, isn’t it? I can’t believe so many months have passed. But I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. I was in the process of getting used to the new situation, bad moods accompanying me, triggered by the tiniest things. Some days coming home from work unable to take care of anything, overburdened, just needing some alone time, silence and some reading material. Other days full of energy getting the housework done. The beginning of the end. Summing up the past year would be quite simple: I moved in with my boyfriend, SHE moved right in, we got a cat, SHE moved out, we deteriorated, we separated, I’m moving out. Back. Back to my German roots. As in moving back to the town I moved away from.

New apartment, new life, already missing one lovely cat which has become my all and everything. And maybe that’s what killed us. Me putting our cat first … instead of his drama queen daughter and the peace at home. Well, let’s see: 19-year-old hysterical chick to 2-year old cat dependable on us lowly human beings … who should come first? Right!

I wish I could have taken our tom-cat with me … but, he is used to his freedom, roaming the neighbourhood whenever he wants to. He wouldn’t be happy in an apartment with a balcony. I love this little guy too much to do that to him. So, he stays with my ex-boyfriend and keeps living in freedom. Will he miss me? I think so. I hope so. And it IS breaking my heart. That the end of my relationship doesn’t … that tells me too much about it. Was it him? Was it me? Both of us, with the big hurdle of his close-to-adult daughter moving in with us nearly right from the beginning. That poisoned so much … then she wanted the cat … we gave in … and the conflicts started to increase.

Anyway, I don’t care anymore. I’m much better now, looking forward to my new old life, my new apartment, giving another cat a new home. A new start. One day I will find someone who really loves me and puts ME first.