THE LIFE OF RANGEY

In the year 2013 I was born in Halewood, England. Gleaming and white, with a whopping 150 horsepower and lots of marvellous features. Even though they completely forgot to equip my beautiful self with Xenon eyes and automatic light and rain sensors … BUT: my navigational skills are up to date and all in all I’m the most gorgeous Range Rover Evoque around. Who needs gleaming eyes when you have a skylight in the form of a scenic roof. I was excited when I left the hallowed factory halls, awaiting all kinds of adventures. Dreaming of rural country roads to carry my handsome Lord from his mansion to his hunting lodge or sea cottage.

I was quite surprised when I was shipped abroad … well, I guess I should have known I wouldn’t stay in my home country with the steering wheel on the wrong side …

I landed in the Netherlands, of all places, and it took ages until I was picked to be leased to a business man. Oh, what a horrible experience. City and highways. Nothing else. And he not only lost his access to me by losing my keys (can you imagine?), no, he also managed to feed me the wrong fuel. Euw, who wants petrol if he can have Diesel?

Ha, I paid him back by making sure the automatic gear drive needed to be replaced. Unfortunately, he got my face hurt badly and the front parts, my beautiful eyes and cooler had to be replaced. I was sooo happy when time was up and I got rid of him, hoping my next owner would be more considerate with a car like myself.

Shady characters bought my poor little gorgeous self and had me shipped to Germany, Berlin. BERLIN! I had heard being sold in Berlin would always lead to troubles. My new owner? A car dealer. Who seemed quite shady as well … which proved my point when I was squeezed into a tiny car park with merely a dozen other luxury cars. Who all told me the same story, similar to mine. Due to my first owner I was “spoiled goods” … oh, I was so worried! Who would be next? A smoking, kebap eating guy?

But then SHE stepped into my life! She was looking at me with excitement, softly touching my shiny hull, carefully taking me on a test drive. Oh, how I had wished to tell her about my past, my imperfectness due to others’ faults. But I couldn’t. I just could be on my best behaviour so that she would take me home with her.

And she did! It happened in a flash! One day I was there, the next day I was driving to the Western part of the country. I even got a protected parking space! And she calls me “sweetie” whenever she sees me. Smiling happily. Even though I had to trouble her in the beginning since I needed new brakes and my differential pressure sensor needed to be replaced. I wish I could have avoided being stranded in the middle of the night on our way to Austria, which I had been so looking forward to seeing. Finally, some more excitement by going up and down mountains, narrow and bumpy roads. She was crying so hard when I couldn’t drive on, reducing my motor power … and I couldn’t do anything. I just got sick. But she forgave me and still loves me to pieces.

We’ve been together for over two years now and she is taking very good care of me. Having me checked regularly … quite a new experience as well. Even though I would enjoy soapy car washes more often. I even forgave her our little parking garage accident, where she rammed a column even though I warned her very loudly by beeping and beeping and beeping. (My parking sensors are top notch as well!) The screeching noise as my doors got dented was more awful than the pain. But she is a girl after all and I don’t really care that much! She got me repaired immediately and I’m better than ever. My life is just awesome … and it’s getting better and better!

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