DECK THE HALLS

It’s here again. The most dreaded time of the year. I was debating with myself in which way I would take part in the whole advent and Christmas time madness. Seriously considering to just ignore it like I did in 2017, no tree (whatever for, there weren’t any presents to put underneath anyway), no decoration (well, to be frank, I never was too much into Christmas decoration, no blinking lights and dancing Santas), no advent calendar. With the only concession of having Fondue on Christmas Eve. 

But then I thought: screw it all! Now more than ever! I’m gonna get a beautiful tree, bake cookies like my Mum did, have tea and Christmas cookies on Sunday afternoons and embrace Christmas time, honouring my loved ones. They would want me to! Of course, this involves quite some preparation on my part!

No 1: the advent calendar! Should I treat myself to one of the huge selection of advent calendars available everywhere? Like … with tea bags, surprise eggs, cosmetics, delicacies, or the 99 cents chocolate version? Or shall I fill and put up my own 40-year-old advent calendar my Grandmother sewed for me? Of course, the surprise then is basically non-existent, having to fill it myself … oh, what the hell! I’ll just do both! Fill up my own and get a second one for the surprise factor!

No 2: the baking! Alright, I admit it, I’m not a big baker! I prefer cooking to baking. Usually the extent of my baking is a nice Betty Crocker baking mix chocolate cake, spruced up with roasted ground hazelnuts or a simple cake measured with cups. Sooo, thinking of my Mum’s baking skills … I should probably stick with the simplest Christmas cookies … or just buy a batch …

No 3: the advent wreath! Oh, this one is simple! I will actually save the money and not get a real, classic one but go with my fake berry wreath and a large candle. I like it and it will go perfectly with my décor! Speaking of which …

No 4: the décor! Not so simple! I’m not the kind of decorator who covers every single surface with Christmas kitsch. Guess I will do what I always do, use candles, just some more than usual. Oh, and pillows and throws, towels, place settings and bedlinens in Christmassy colours. As in red and green. 

No 5: the tree! Briefly, just briefly I considered getting a fake plastic tree. (I am told they are looking quite good in this time and age!) Just put together and reuse year after year. No needles all over the apartment, no dead tree, no having to lug it down the stairs to get rid of it again. But then … nooo! The smell of a real tree is just part of Christmas, with real candles (no electric lights in MY household).

No 6: Christmas dinner! Same procedure as last year … and every year … and most years at home … traditional fondue! Once a year, looking forward to it once a year! Nothing else will do! With my traditional 70s fondue set from my parents … it still does what it’s supposed to do after close to 50 years. It’s tacky with its orange décor but ingenious with the frame for the pickles and sauce bowls my uncle welded together. I love it! And as long as it’s working it’s another part of my childhood memories and tradition I’m treasuring!

No 7: the gifts! Yep, there will be gifts! From my sister and my aunt! But mostly from myself! Ordered by Amazon and not being opened until the big eve! Even though the brown cardboard boxes are not exactly very Christmassy … and the surprise will be not too much of a surprise … but since I started ordering my own Christmas presents in November … there should be at least a small level of surprise … and of course there will also be presents for my tomcat!

And I guess, without my cat I would be in a completely different mind frame, spiralling down and having many more depressive episodes. 

So, those are my plans for the advent and Christmas time! And looking forward to everything, which I didn’t do for a very long time!

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ELECTRIC CARS OR THE END OF FREEDOM

I shouldn’t read the news! I really shouldn’t! I bet this was her stupid idea! Who else with no qualifications whatsoever could screw up so badly? I’m talking about the German answer to stupidity at its best! (Once again!) I mean, who else would make a Family Minister the Minister of Defence? Which qualifications does she have apart from some economics and medicine? Minister of defence? Pleeeaaase! Ridiculous! Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against women in high positions! But they should at least know what they are talking about. As in a high-ranking officer in the German army. Not a blond chick whose only achievements apart from being a politician – yeah, THAT’S a great accomplishment – is spending most of her time being pregnant to produce 7 kids.

Well, she’s out and now does her worst as the President of the European Commission. Why I’m so hopping mad? They have just announced to basically kill my Rangey! And to kill all other Diesel and gas fuelled cars. By setting their environmental goals so high that it will be impossible to achieve with regular cars. Because “electric cars are the future”. Yeah, right! Electric cars suck! With the current cars available – apart from their ugliness, Tesla excluded – it would basically take me two days to drive the close to 1000 km to Austria. With lengthy stops to recharge my CAR! The trip would take me longer than my actual stay! Going by train? Are you out of your fucking mind? Trains suck even more! They are overcrowded and never on time. And I wouldn’t have any means of transport to get to the small town I grew up in. Am I expected to take the bus then? Which runs approximately 4 times a day? Lugging around my luggage? Not being able to stock up on my Austrian food to take back to Germany, because the Germans are not able to produce the real deal? Their “half and half” potato dumplings are disgusting pieces of squashy, chewy things; their ketchup is inedible; their plum jam euw; good bread is hard to find if you don’t want it fluffy and dry but compact and moist; their schnitzel culture is non-existent; …

But I’m straying far from the topic. Again. Because I’m so mad! They are constantly talking about CO2 reduction! Those bad, bad cars! They are the enemy! Pure evilness! 

It’s all politics! And it seems those idiots have such a narrow mind that they don’t get the big picture. Far away from any reality! As usual!

Fact 1: Electric cars produce more CO2 in production for their batteries, making the difference to a regular car in what it produces in a lifetime not that significant. Not to mention the wasting of rare minerals …

Fact 2: Using coal powered plants to produce the electricity needed to load all those butt ugly electric mini cars is as far from CO2 efficient and “green” as me from the moon.

Fact 3: The infrastructure is just not there! The end!

Fact 4: They are either ugly (just look at the BMW i3) or even less affordable than a regular decent car (as in my Rangey).

Fact 5: Say goodbye to your freedom, your mobility, your choice to drive wherever you want without having to plan far in advance in order to find your loading stations on the way. Taking months to get to your destination. 

Well, there it is! It’s not that I don’t care about the environment! But one just has to stay reasonable … and not always condemn the cars. MY car! 

LOCKDOWN LIGHT

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… Or the fight for toilet paper! As in: empty shelves everywhere! 

Germany’s government has declared new measures for the fight against Covid-19, calling it “Lockdown Light”. And as soon as the news hit the masses … toilet paper was already sold out again. It’s a mystery! Every time again. And someone like me – who stocks up on everything not only in time but plentiful (what’s the point in just getting one tube of tooth paste? Shower gel? Facial creams? Shampoos? I want to have the choice at home too what to use next!) – wonders, what’s wrong with these people:

1. What happened to the tons of paper they stocked up on for the last “lockdown”? (Which was NOT a lockdown, supermarkets, drugstores and home supply stores were still open!) 
2. How much toilet paper does one actually need? (Well, if you use it to play Egyptian mummy, I can understand, that one needs 20 rolls a week!)
3. Do they usually buy toilet paper just by the time the last roll is on the holder? What an organized and sensible way to live ones life!
4. And why in the hell toilet paper? Should everything actually run out … everyone in our civilized Western world has a bathroom with shower or bathtub. So, there, problem solved … Well, I personally would rather stock up on unperishables like dried food, preserves, frozen food and water. But that’s just me: to have my freezer filled all the time and my pantry stocked up with everything.

The new rules here in Germany until the end of November? (At least for now …) Team sports activities, fitness clubs, swimming pools, theatres, Christmas markets, restaurants, coffee shops, hotels will be closed. Travelling across Germany shall be reduced to business trips. Meeting outside with 10 persons max. from two households. Bla bla bla. At least the shops will remain open and I won’t have to miss out on my weekly Saturday Cordon bleu from my restaurant around the corner to pick up.

What I don’t get, though, is the incredible stupidity – once again – to start the Lockdown on Monday, November 2^nd, instead of right away. As in BEFORE Halloween! And what happened? Exactly what I would have predicted! Every single German being was out on the streets, enjoying coffee and breakfast, lunch, dinner in restaurants and coffee shops, attending as many forbidden Halloween parties as possible and hitting the pubs in the evening to get drunk before curfew in the company of at least a couple of kindred spirits … or to say it in simpler words: They partied as if Corona didn’t exist. Typical! Stupid! Predictable!

(Speaking of curfew: this is quite a new experience for the Germans! Not being able to buy alcohol anywhere from 11 p.m. till 6 a.m. Not being able to party until the wee hours, getting so drunk to pass out. (Not that one wouldn’t be able to achieve that as well until 11 p.m.) And I don’t really get the outrage! The British have had curfews for more than 100 years now. And? Do you hear anyone complaining?)

Oh, and not to mention trick or treating and visits to the cemeteries on Sunday with all kinds of family members. Good plan, gooood plan! Sometimes one wonders about those on top and their IQ. And as expected, after the last weekend before the Lockdown everything got even worse. With the numbers rising even more and hospitals fighting a possible collapse! Well done! Weeeell done! There’s not much more to say for me right now without hopping mad … so, stay well and healthy and take care!

ELECTION NIGHT THRILLER

I couldn’t watch! I really couldn’t! Just too exciting and nerve wracking. Nail bitingly nerve wracking. Screaming out loud nerve wracking.

Why do I even bother? It’s not my country electing a new president! I don’t have to live there! But, well, frankly, four more years of Trump would be unbearable and too horrible to contemplate. It’s making me sick to just see and listen to this orange oaf spurting lies whenever he opens his mouth. Seeing his petulant childish expression every day, no matter which news channel you watch or which newspaper you open, following his actions destroying his country and everything he touches. Looking at his track record, he’s nothing more than a common criminal. Every other normal human being would have been locked up either in the looney bin or in federal state prison. He’s just too slimy to catch and whoops, he escaped the law again.

And I let my imagination wander … just picture the following scenario: no one voting for Trump apart from his fellow criminal cronies and his family members. Wouldn’t that be nice? And then kick him and his horrible family out on their butts from the White House. Which would have to be disinfected and fumigated after their departure to get rid of the bad karma. And I remember the Netflix series “Designated Survivor” with Kiefer Sutherland as the only one remaining to take over as President. And now picture an America without the Trump clan … utter bliss!

For the past couple of days, I’ve tried to catch up on the news once a day only. Looking at the numbers, keeping my fingers crossed for Joe Biden. And being flabbergasted – once again – about how tight the race is for the most part. I just can’t comprehend that there’s even ONE halfway intelligent human being voting for this liar. And I couldn’t ignore his latest stunts: first, falsely announcing his win on election night, then filing lawsuits for recounts in those states he’s losing, AND delivering the most disgusting and “dishonest speech of his presidency” (CNN). Kicking democracy with his feet, claiming the Democrats are trying to steal the election, that mail-in voting is riddled with corruption and fraud, etc. etc. It’s frightening, it’s despicable, it’s dangerous. The pure evilness of this family makes me speechless. And I’m glad that at least some news channels cut him off in his speech and immediately stated correcting statements, laying open his lies.

Well, it’s Friday evening and the Electoral College stands at 253 for Biden and 213 for Trump. And the tension is huge. Will it be over by the time tomorrow I wake up tomorrow morning? I don’t think so. But I hope Biden will be even closer to the 270 votes he needs. Making Trump officially the loser he has always been. A total failure. But of course, we all know it won’t be so easy to kick him out of the White House. They will probably have to drag him out on January 20^th, kicking and screaming like a toddler. Maybe this would be his heart attack to happen? Or a very bad stroke? I don’t want him to die. Oh no, I want him to suffer, being bedridden, unable to talk or move … and then, after years, he will be allowed to die. Just like the tens of thousands of Covid victims he has on his non-existent conscience. 

There certainly won’t be a peaceful transfer of power. That’s just not white-trash-Trump’s style. So, all that’s left to do is keep waiting and be patient. And praying (even me, as the least religious person around) and hoping that Biden keeps the lead and will become the next president of the United States of America. Uniting and healing the rift of his people, undoing the damage Trump has done in a mere four years.