HOW TO SPEND AN HOUR AT THE GARAGE

Oh boy, what an ingenious title! So that absolutely no one can guess what this article will be about! Clever me!

Yes, that’s right, I’m stuck here at a garage waiting for my car to be ready for me again. After barely having been driven the past months – apart from the occasional cat food shopping and Ikea ketchup restocking trip – my Rangey told me exactly what he thought of that. As in, nothing! He wants to be out and about, discovering the country and seeing new places. Instead he is stuck at his very boring parking space, facing a dull wall, with nothing interesting to experience and see. So, he decided to have a doctor’s appointment by draining his battery. Shocking me this morning with his cheery message of “Low battery” and “The system will shut down in 1 minute”. Gee, exactly what I need at 6am in the morning. Luckily, he didn’t complain anymore on my way to the office – the third time since March due to an appointment – and I arrived safely half an hour later. I switched off the CD Player, however, and turned down the temperature to 19 degrees Celsius. Seat heating? Are you kidding? No seat heating! And if it hadn’t been pitch black, I’d also have switched off the lights. Who needs lights anyway.

Well, here I am now. Waiting. Freezing. Writing. Waiting for my Rangey’s battery to be charged … but I guess Rangey deserves a new one sooner rather than later.

Darn, I so hate this! I love my car, but I hate everything that comes with it. It even annoys me to fill up the tank! All I want is to drive! I wish I had someone who would take care of all the annoying rest like checking the oil level, tyre pressures, clean Rangey inside out, drive him to get serviced … but nooo, I have to do all that! But Rangey still loves me! He knows we will return to his home country as soon as possible … and then he will be well again. And me too! We both miss England very much! But first, I guess, he will have to cross some Austrian mountains – which he loves very much too. And it’s high time to visit MY home too! My Austrian supplies are absolutely depleted … so, that’s it! One hour gone, Rangey will be re-charged in a few minutes … and I have totally failed to write a funny article how to ingeniously spend an amusing hour at the garage while waiting for your car! Soooorrrry! Toodle-oo!

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NEVER AGAIN …

… or: learning from past mistakes.

Having too much time on my hands due to the pandemic and – as usual – too much time to think, I can’t help but come to the conclusion that I’ve been too nice and generous in the past. With people who didn’t really deserve it. Especially with HIM and HIS awful family.

Why in the hell was I selling too much of MY stuff before moving in together, losing tons of money in the process? Not that he ever really appreciated it, he didn’t care anyway! But still, it rankles … looking at the pictures I still have stored on my notebook of all the things I gave away or sold on Ebay … and sometimes I think of some of the things … and I apologize to my dead father for giving away / selling the white-blue woven carpet he lugged back from Iran. (One for me, one for my sister.) Or the oriental mini-skewers one could use for antipasti and pickles. Or the coffee porcelain set I inherited from a great-great aunt. Or … there’s too much to count. And I still start crying when I see a similar comfy chair to the one from the 30s I had to give away to bulky waste, being destroyed, just like that. Because of no space. Stupid, stupid, stupid! At least I could save my father’s tallboy.

Why in the hell was I donating so much of my stuff to a charity organization to resell it? Just because of no space, again! (Well, my consolation is that at least I was doing something good, helping an organization who employs long-time unemployed people and making low-income people happy with some of my stuff they could actually afford and buy cheaply.) 

Why in the hell was I so stupid to support my ex with 100€ a month when his awful daughter moved out to live in her own apartment, because she couldn’t move back in with her mother and sister? Because they couldn’t live with her either? Why, why, why? 

Why in the hell was I bringing back souvenirs for him and his brood when in the end nothing what I did before mattered anyway? And I was the bad one?

Why in the hell did I leave behind some of my Hutschenreuther china, out of false generousness because he wouldn’t have dishes after my leaving? Or clothes hangers (the expensive slim line flocked ones)? Or my expensive heavy duty garage shelves? Why was I so stupid? Throwing money away? 

Why in the hell did I let his relatives take some of my kitchen appliances and flatware? Just like that? Like my relatively new electric kettle? Which I had then to buy new!? Or the plush red carpet which I now could have used for my study to keep my feet warm while working?

Why did I pay for half of my birthday present – having the car deep cleaned and polished – because I felt bad about the price? Not being used to generous gifts and as usual trying to be fair … I should have just taken it! Accepted it! I was generous enough! And lost enough money!

Why? Why? Why? I was really stupid! Too excited to move in with someone for the first time in my life. Expecting to have a loving and caring relationship the way my parents had. The way my dad treated my mum. Big disappointment! BIG disappointment! Is it German men? Probably they are just unable to be warm hearted and caring, generous … Or maybe I just caught the wrong one!

But it was a lesson I obviously had to learn. To not change for other people. To stick to what’s important to me! Never again …

SPAM

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Yes, I know you know! Or is it too confusing? SPAM? You don’t really think I’m gonna write about spam mail, do you? Even though … spam mail IS annoying. Getting at least a dozen daily as well too. 

SPAM is my beloved, favourite trash food as advertised in Monty Python’s legendary sketch. Which made me so curious that I just had to try it. And fell in love instantly! 

Well, it’s not easy to get SPAM in Germany. So, I had to wait until my next England trip to stock up on SPAM and try every SPAM recipe I could find. After all, you only need SPAM! Eggs with SPAM, pasta with SPAM, potatoes with SPAM, rice with SPAM, veggies with SPAM, SPAM burger, SPAM salad, SPAM sandwich, SPAM pizza, SPAM wrap, SPAM sweet & sour, SPAM with SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM. Cut in cubes, slices, scrambled … fried, grilled, breaded. Classic SPAM, SPAM Lite, SPAM with less sodium, SPAM with real bacon, Hickory smoke SPAM, SPAM oven roasted Turkey … I tried them all (apart from the spicy varieties). For breakfast, lunch and dinner.

My last SPAM tin is long gone – since my last England trip was more than one year ago – and due to Covid-19 I’m not only deprived of my SPAM supply but many other British essential groceries as well. Like my favourite tea biscuits from M&S, water crackers, cheddar of all kinds of various maturity, Stilton, bagels and scones, Horlicks malt drink, cake mixes and frostings, shortbread, cereals with peanut butter crisps, and whatever interesting food I can lay my hands on. I so miss England! And shopping in England! Not only groceries but all my favourite shops! (Oops, guess I kind of strayed from the topic at hand: SPAM!)

So, back to the meat that is not really meat but probably the cheapest and most worthless meat available. Trash meat. But sooo delicious! THE comfort food together with Mac&Cheese (another awesome combination). 

To my utter surprise, I discovered a SPAM replacement, right here in Germany: Tulip breakfast meat! It’s not SPAM, but it’s acceptable! And once again I can wallow in SPAM style comfort food, the ultimate solution on bad days! Dreaming of my next England trip to stock up on the real thing!

Have a SPAM weekend with lots of SPAM, SPAM, SPAM and SPAM and SPAM and SPAM, SPAM and SPAM! 

PURE EVIL

Relieved! I was so relieved! Joyously dancing around my apartment, shouting, “Yes, Yes, Yes!” Why? Because Biden will be the new president! Thank God! Trump is out! Thank God there are only 11 days left! 

After the first excitement and relief of Biden’s win and Trump’s failures again and again to overturn the election I became worried again. And still am! Extremely worried about the evilness of this man who has called himself the President of the United States for the past four years. I knew he wouldn’t go easily and the military would probably have to drag him out of the White House kicking and screaming … but the way he behaved these past two months is beyond anything I could have imagined. It just shows that he doesn’t care one bit about all those Americans dying from Covid-19. Nearly 350 000 lives lost by now. Still spewing lies about a rigged election, that it was stolen from him despite being thrown out from court case after case because there is just no evidence! Think about that: NO EVIDENCE! And his followers are still stupid enough to believe his evil lies and even donate money for his “fight against those democrats and the false election”. With the only goal to actually pay off his debts … nothing else. This evil human being just cares about himself and what he can gain in terms of money from the presidency. A grift. It’s that simple. He is a grifter and the presidency is his grift. (As very ingeniously described on CNN.) Not to mention doling out pardons like candy … plus the danger of pre-emptive pardons for his corrupt kids and even himself. A leader? A liar! Playing golf, hiding in the White House like a petulant child, not facing the facts and doing everything in his power to damage the country even more. And if you think it can’t possibly become worse, it does! Resulting in this week’s criminal behaviour in wanting Georgia’s Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger to “find” 11000 votes … if this isn’t an abuse of presidential power, then I don’t know what. Apart from the minor issue of supporting his crazy supporters who stormed the Capitol in his name, with Trump smiling gleefully about all this and not taking measures to involve the National Guard. No, VP Pence had to step in and “saved the day” – I’m so disgusted I can barely breathe! January 20^thcan’t come early enough! Every day he is out and about in his official capacity as the President, he is killing more people and destroying everything that’s in his way, firing people he doesn’t like or who dare to tell the truth, turning against HIM. Oh yeah, how could they! He is GOD! He is the winner! Trump doesn’t lose! … This is all wrong! This is just wrong! Has been wrong for too long! With horrid Republican senators still empowering him by backing him, thinking about their “future” instead of upholding the constitution and putting the country first. Disgusting! When will it stop? Who will finally stop him? And why hasn’t anyone put a stop to it a long time ago? Reigned him in? Closed down his Twitter and Facebook accounts for good, for example? Locking him up in an asylum? Because, he is just insane. Criminally insane. Cleverly disguised. I just see two options: 1.) He and his likewise evil kids are finally thrown behind bars for a long, long time, being made responsible for their actions, the fraud, the evilness, the racism, the sexual misconducts, the abuse of power … and killing American people. And 2.) I’m still hoping for the junk food induced fatal heart attack. Preferably while tweeting sitting on the toilet … what a fitting way to go for the scum of this earth …

GOODBYE 2020, WELCOME 2021

Thank God, 2020 is over! I bet this thought might have crossed the one or other’s mind! What an awful year with many restrictions and changes!

For me personally, 2020 was not so bad! Not bad at all! Sure, it started out shockingly with the separation! But in the end, I couldn’t wait to get away from this horrible family. The only one I still miss is tomcat Tristan and I try not to think about him too much. Or that I don’t receive any information how he’s doing. Well, I guess that just shows the loving and considerate human being I escaped from …

But apart from that, my year was really great! My new home is beautiful, I can have as many plants as I want, buy new bed linens whenever I want to have one more set to choose from, read all day if it suits me, display my shoes and bags again … I can do whatever I want without anyone reprimanding me. And no annoying high-strung and spoilt teens and awful boyfriend-relatives to be nice to. It’s the ultimate freedom. With my “old life” thrown in for some loving, affection and fun. And whatever the future brings … I’m looking forward to it.

I also have to admit, I enjoy Home Office very much! Of course, I’m very lucky in this situation! I have an extra study, which is also part wardrobe, library and cat playroom. Without kids disturbing me at work – just my kitty-cat, who tends to bring me his toy mouse and demands loudly meowing to throw it around. Or complaining that it’s time for some food again. Or at least a treat. 

But that’s small stuff compared to the issues some of my colleagues had to go through this past year. Working from home at the kitchen table, in between doing some home schooling and taking care of everything else. So, yes, I consider myself very lucky. And being used to most of my friends being hundreds of kilometres away anyway, the now necessary social distancing and using the phone instead of personal visits, is normal for me and no big deal. 

I do miss my shopping trips, Saturday coffee at coffee shops … and travelling. Of course, I miss travelling. But I’m sure the situation will improve 2021 and slowly we will get back to more normalcy. So that I can start making plans again. For a skiing vacation, England, Austria, weekend trips … or just enjoy meeting friends and hugging them again without feeling bad.

My resolutions for 2021? Well, the usual, I guess! Getting back into shape after the Corona year … but most of all: just being happy!