I WAS THE TALK SHOW QUEEN

Do you remember those times in which the afternoons were filled with talk shows and you didn’t quite know which channel to switch to first? Yeah, I know, it was the 90s (of the last century) and the 2000s. I loved those trashy shows and enjoyed them whenever I had time. The fighting, screaming and hysterical women, confessing their infidelities, their escapades with each other’s husbands, falling into each other’s arms again at the end of the show, forgiving everything? Absolutely fricking everything? Or those who didn’t know who the father of their child was? Or the crazy neighbours nearly jumping each other’s throats because of a tree branch growing across the fence? Or the teenagers, those annoying teenagers … being, well puberty stricken and horrible … being teenagers. How fascinating! Did those people actually exist in real life? (Well, obviously, it couldn’t have been all fake!)

Sadly, I had to be content with German and Austrian talk shows and immensely enjoyed a Saturday pre-evening show with the best clips from talk-shows around the world. Giving me a glimpse of those from across the pond. “Maury”, “Montel”, “Dr. Phil”, “Jerry Springer”, … marvellously trashy.

I kind of miss this shallow entertainment. And yes, I know, there are lots of other trashy shows out there. Families switching their wives for a week, pregnant teens, unemployed and proud of it low-life social spongers who have enough money for cigarettes but are moaning about grocery costs, unfortunate less than good-looking people living at home looking for a partner, farmers looking for farmer wives … the trashier the better for the ratings. However, I could never get enthusiastic about those. Just like game shows, I simply can’t watch those.

But … there is a time and place for everything. I enjoyed the talk show times incredibly, wouldn’thave time for them now anyway, I guess. And I doubt I would be as hooked today as I was then. What I would enjoy, though, would be able to follow the American night time greats Jimmy Fallon, Seth Meyers, Jimmy Kimmel, Stephen Colbert, (and Saturday Night Live, of course) … but living in Germany and the restrictions one has to suffer when it comes to one’s desire for British or American TV … as in, not possible to watch unless you do something more or less illegal … well, I’m stuck with boring German TV (which I never watch), Netflix and You Tube clips. Which at least lets me enjoy the best parts of those shows …

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HOW TO USE …

… those 50 litres of sunflower oil you bought:

1.) Fry everything and anything: after all, fried food is sooo healthy

2.) Mix with diesel and fill your car: what a brilliant idea. Your car will love you for this … until it breaks down after the first few hundred metres and will just be … dead.

3.) Bathe in it: even Cleopatra already knew the benefits of a wonderful sunflower oil bath. Oops, no, sorry, I got this one wrong. It was olive oil and milk-honey. Bad luck, you totally screwed that up!

4.) Use as sunscreen: and become red as a lobster.Which is the desired colour for vacationers anyway.

5.) Wait until it’s become rancid and then throw it away, wasting some precious resources because of your stupidity.

… those 20 kilos of flour you bought:

1.) Roll in it and be happy. Happy, that you snatched all that flour away from people who only would have needed one measly kilo.

2.) Bake bread, bread, bread and then don’t know what to do with all that bread because your freezer consists of only one 3-star-compartmentbig enough to store some ice cubes and one frozen pizza.

3.) Provide a decent meal for flour moths, mealworms, flour mites … after all, they are living creatures as well.

… those 100 packs of toilet paper you bought:

1.) Wrap yourself in it to keep warm. But only the cuddly 3-layer-one.

2.) Use as Carnival, Easter, Halloween, Christmas decoration

3.) Use as towels, hankies, kitchen rolls.

4.) Use as intended … for the next 10 years

Will this craziness never end? How stupid can mankind actually be? Once again panic has broken out after news announced that corn, wheat, etc might become rare in the following months – not to mention that grocery prices are rising mile high apart from fuel. The outcome? Flour: sold out! Sunflower oil: sold out! Pasta: sold out! Sugar: sold out! And, of course, toilet paper: sold out!

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with “prepping” and being prepared. By stocking up a little on tinned food, beverages, etc. Maybe even have a little camping cooker that can be used with fuel paste, a power bank solar charger to be able to charge your smartphone should the power be out, etc. Just the most important essentials. Also in regards to food resources. But, what are you going to do with flour, sunflower oil and toilet paper if you don’t have any means to cook?

Frankly, my ideas ran out pretty quickly how to use those items … maybe you are more creative?

EASTER … AGAIN

It’s Easter again and I don’t have a single clue what to write about that I haven’t already written in my other Easter posts. Don’t get me wrong, I love Easter. Just like I enjoy all the other holidays I have learned to embrace and celebrate instead of letting my grief overpower me.

I’m not very religious, I’m a happy Catholic Church drop out and even though the current pope seems to be of the decent sort, as a halfway intelligent person religion – every religion, especially those extreme,strict, intolerant ones – is a horror to me. I don’t go to church as in Sunday sermons. I don’t go to Christmasmidnight mass or the Easter meat blessing. Well, maybe I would go to the meat blessing back in Austria (since it’s usually only a matter of 15 minutes instead of boring one hour sermons). Just because it’s always been our tradition. But certainly not here in Germany. Which doesn’t mean that I don’t enter churches. I do. And I do like it. I appreciate the architecture, the art and grandesse. And wherever I am, I light a candle for my deceased loved ones. And it doesn’t matter whether it’s an Anglican, Catholic or Protestant church … who cares? I certainly don’t!

Anyway, that’s not exactly what I wanted to write about. After all the topic is Easter and as I wanted to say, even though I’m not religious, I do embrace my family’s traditions. Starting with the food (Austrian cooked and smoked meat, sausages, yeast bread, coloured hard boiled eggs) and especially saying thanks and thinking of past Easters with my loved ones when taking the first bite of dark sourdough bread with a pinch of salt before diving into the good stuff.

And that’s exactly what I will be doing today as well. Meat and sausages are cooked, my cousin who visited a few days ago brought me the Easter “Pinze” (yeast bread) so that I don’t have to switch to the alternative, the eggs were provided by the farmer’s market (I’m just too lazy to colour them myself) and after a hearty breakfast to take me through the day I’m looking forward to my 5 p.m. Easter feast. Of course, I’ve also prepared a little Easter nest for me and my cat … even though it doesn’t make sense hiding it. Cause my cat certainly won’t play the “Easter nest seeking game” …

Especially this year, with my relatives having visited me a few days back, I miss Austria even more. It’s getting stronger by the day. And I know, I will return. I have to. It’s home …

Happy Easter, you all!

DISGUSTINGNESS OF THE WEEK

Oh, boy, the things I have to suffer … not enough that politics is a sham and there isn’t a single day I’m not totally disgusted by those on top. Or other issues.

Two really disgusting things I had to discover this week. As you know, I love to browse cook books and cooking magazines. Thanks to my awesome Readly App – where I pay a monthly fee – I can read as many magazines I like, mostly from US, UK, Austria and Germany. Happily looking through one of the German cooking magazines – Austria only has one online, Gusto – I happened upon a recipe I was delighted about on first view. Pizza Schnitzel … of course, thinking that one just roasted a pork chop, then covered with some tomato sauce, cheese, onions, olives and mushrooms and gratinating in the oven. Until I discovered breadcrumbs in the recipe. Breadcrumbs? Looking more closely I had to discover that my suspicion has become true. The gratinated Schnitzels were BREADED. With the red tomato sauce already making everything soggy, not to mention the fat drenched Schnitzel itself anything. Ohhh … imagine my disgust. And disappointment!Who even comes up with recipes like that? How can this happen? How can anyone think this might be a good idea … or halfway edible? It amazes me. Again and again.

The second disgustingness of the week I discovered in an article at a German trashy newspaper: Spinach pizza with breaded fish fingers. Which will be a new Dr. Oetker invention thanks to a tweet from a German guy who had this “brilliant” idea. Brilliant, my foot! Disgusting, more like it. But why am I surprised? People who adore crispy Schnitzels drenched in horrible sauces and veggies drowned in Sauce Hollandaise are culinary miscreants. Well, since they also adore pizza with gyros meat and, again, Sauce Hollandaise, spinach pizza with breaded fish fingers is not such a big jump. Just don’t tell the Italians. They would go on strike due to “cruelty to the Italian culinary nation”. And I would wholeheartedly agree.

Sadly, I can’t share the pictures with you, since they are not mine and I’m not stupid enough to use pics I’m not allowed to. And even though I sometimes go to great lengths to think of pics for my blog, I just can’t do it. The thought of recreating those dishes just for pics … and then throw everything away, because it’s just too … euw … to actually eat … that would be a real waste and I detest throwing away food if it’s not absolutely necessary because it’s either gone bad or is just inedible (which occasionally happens to me too with store bought food).

So, it’s up to your imagination to recreate those dishes in your mind and … have fun not recreating. Or will you? Then please, let me know how it turned out.

Cheers!

MY LIFE IN BOOKS

Nearly 40 years of reading … and I wish I had kept track of all the books I have read up to now. And not just started sometime in my student years … but I can safely say, it must have been thousands of books until now. 

I still remember how angry I was – my Dad had brought back the two “Nesthäkchen” books for mefrom one of his business trips – that I couldn’t read them yet, having just started with primary school and was in the process of learning to read. I just couldn’t wait … 

Sadly, I can’t quite remember what my first books actually were. (Apart from Wilhelm Busch’s Struwwelpeter!) Children’s books, quite different from the ones available today – it was the 80s, after all. What I do remember, however, are the books I still have. Like my Trixie Belden collection, Dolly, Burg Schreckenstein, the Sisi novels, etc. And I remember – since I only received books for special occasions – how often I went to our small-town library to pick up my next reading material. 

Mysteries have always been a big part of my life. But of course, preferences changed. During my school years, I was obsessed with penny romances, spending my pocket money on the cheap kitschy romances. I had stacks and stacks of those booklet type romances and have only got rid of the last ones recently. (Thanks to my moves!)

My student years started with more substantial reading material – historical romances, which replaced my penny romances, with mysteries thrown in between. Arthur Conan Doyle, Agatha Christie, Erle Stanley Gardner, Edgar Wallace, Rex Stout. Until … yes, until I started reading English books. And never looked back. English books became my greatest joy. Harry Potter, contemporary romances, mysteries, teen and children’s books. My rare London trips in those times resulted in me basically lugging back tons of paperbacks in my luggage, happiest when I could browse at Waterstones, Borders, Books etc. – my paradise. Rows and rows of English books, floors of English books! Especially loving 3 for 2 specials … discovering wonderful authors who still belong to my favourites: Martha Grimes, Rita Mae Brown, Patricia Cornwell, Lawrence Block, P.D. James, Anthony Horowitz, Katie MacAlister, and so many more it would fill pages just to list them.

One day I discovered “Kindle”, treating myself to my first when I got my university degree. First downloading free books and rediscovering historical romances, this time however limited to the regency era up to the 1900s. Strangely, I only used my Kindle for those romances. The mysteries? I still ordered and bought as paperbacks.

Of course, I also had periods of low book consumption, as in not reading much. And I have no idea, why. But soon this was over and my obsession was back!

2019 / 2020 became my “historical mystery” years. Mysteries from the 20s, 30s and the Victorian / Edwardian era have become my favourite genre, represented by Emily Brightwell, Lee Strauss, Jacqueline Winspear, Kate Parker, Kerry Greenwood, Anne Perry, T.E. Kinsey and many more … what I love about them? Escaping to my favourite eras with exciting mysteries to solve. And especially Lee Strauss’ wonderful description of her heroine’s wardrobe makes me want to jump back in time to experience London in the 20s.

Strangely, even though my Christmas presents to myself were lots of mysteries situated in the 19th / 20th century, I started the year with Austrian authors, reading about historical persons and anecdotes andapart from rediscovering brilliant humourist Ephraim Kishon, I am trying Austrian mysteries now. (Yes, in German – or rather Austrian – language!) What will be next? I don’t know! But English mysteries will always remain a big part of my reading life!