… with a book. Of course, it had to start with a book. Not so much the first two “Glück” mystery books taking place at the Wörthersee in Carinthia and in Vienna. But then, when I read the third one, where Martin Glück is solving a murder in Graz in Styria … it hit me. With full force. With memories flooding me. The desire to go home. To move back home before it’s too late.

Thinking of the many times I went to Graz to visit my friend, the wonderful time I always spent there, the many shopping trips … I miss it. I miss Austria. I miss my university town where my parents grew up, I miss my friends, my last remaining family, the food, the culture, the snow, the language … especially it’s the little things I miss. Going to the supermarket deli and ordering a Kaiser roll with whatever I want – with deli meat plus cheese plus pickles or tomato or hard-boiled egg or … an unthinkable concept here in Germany. 

And I miss Vienna, the closeness to Italy, skiing, swimming in lakes, Hutter, Gartenrast and Arkadenhof, everything, just everything. I just miss everything.

And I realized there are only two things keeping me here. My job and my special friend. And I also realized that I can’t remain here for another 20 years until retirement. I couldn’t bear it. 

Not too long ago, when I was on my way back from England, changing planes in Amsterdam to get back to Düsseldorf, the sight of an Austrian Airlines plane literally brought tears to my eyes and it took all my will power to not cry my heart out. And it’s not as if I had been unhappy, having just come back from the wonderful CrimeFest in Bristol. Still, seeing the Austrian Airlines plane … deep down my desire to go home is overwhelming and my thoughts are constantly there.

My greatest wish? Remaining in my job, just working from Austria instead of Germany. Basically, it doesn’t matter whether my home office (we’re still mostly working from home and home office is here to stay for our group) is in Germany or Austria. The problem is the tax issue. Which I had hoped could be solved when the take-over by the new company has happened, since the new company has subsidiaries in Austria. But, well, as it seems right now, this won’t be an option at the moment … maybe in a few months, a couple of years, never. So … I don’t have another but start looking for a new job.

What worries me, though? Despite my great desire to go home, how will I ever be able to leave HIM? The guy who has been in my life since 2015. He was there for me during my depression, my search for a partner, my relationship with my now-ex, my move back, rekindling our special friendship. This will be the hardest part … whether there will be a solution for us? I don’t know …


One thought on “IT ALL STARTED …

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