Remember one of my past posts about solitude? How much I need it and enjoy it? Nothing much has changed in these regards. I still crave the peace and quiet I have at home. Appreciating the opportunity of working from home, where I’m much more productive and can concentrate on my work. Despite the frequent calls, also some of which are just a few minutes chatting to catch up on my closest colleagues’ lives.
Am I lonely? At times I am. Not sad lonely. Not the desperation I felt in my depressive days, thinking of my dead parents and yearning for someone next to me, sharing my life and everything. But lonely nevertheless. Thinking about the fact that I am pretty alone here in Germany. Even with the one or other friend, my special friend, my cat. But with the feeling, nevertheless, that if anything happened to me, there wouldn’t be anyone to either take care of my cat or visit me in hospital. Maybe I’m wrong and they would, but it’s just the way I feel.
Why? Well, friends No 1 and 2 are hours away, friend No 3 is only half an hour away but always busy, friends No 4 and 5 probably would visit, being here in the same town … and my special friend … well, since it’s complicated, I couldn’t count on it. The others are acquaintances and colleagues and those I could probably count on the least. Or maybe not? I don’t know!
At home? My aunts are there, my sister, my cousin, my friends – long-time and close friends. Knowing they would be there for me the same way I’d be there for them. The way they have always been there for me. And that’s one of the reasons it’s time for me to go home. To feel protected, safe and less lonely again, surrounded by warmth and love all around.
My greatest fear? That something unforeseeable happens and I’m stuck here indefinitely … I couldn’t bear that! But I have to trust that everything will work out the way it should! And that soon I will be back where I belong! Home!
3 thoughts on “ALONE”
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Yes, I have to say since I have moved several times, old friends have all become long distance friendship and new friends are few. Yes, being surrounded by families and old schoolmates is a privilege that a lot of us don’t have. The social media doesn’t solve the problem at all. if anything, it only makes us miss them more after the video calls. LOL. Wish you will settle down back home; wish you will love your new job; wish you will get all that you have desired. Wish you a great life ahead of you…
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Thank you so much for your kind words and wishes! On the one hand, it’s much easier to keep in contact thanks to social media, on the other hand it’s sometimes also overwhelming. But still, we’re lucky to live in such times when we don’t have to rely on letters being on their way for weeks or even months to reach other countries or continents. I think sometimes it’s harder to find new friends the older you get. Because people at my age usually have families and their own social circle. That was certainly the situation here with my colleagues when I arrived in Germany. No one really considered that I was completely alone and new here in this country. I don’t have much family left, and you are right, long-time friends – which usually are also not that many – are a privilege and have to be treasured! Have a great start in the week! 🤗